We hear about unconscionable acts all the time on the news.  People gasp and say, "OH, but isn't that awful?" and go about washing dishes or channel surfing or blogging.

As a society, we are so detached and desensitized.  The news is full of horrors going on every day.  Some of the highest rated shows on television, like CSI, show gruesome things that many of us [notice, I said us - me included] have become very curious about.  Seeing an autopsy has totally lost it's "Ewww!" factor.  But there are crimes that we as a society cannot and will not give cursory attention ... crimes against children.

Last night it was reported that a six week old baby girl, Diana Nelson, of Bogalusa, Louisiana was in a coma after having been beaten about the head, burned with a cigarette lighter and her tiny little body riddled with Xanax.  I cried then, I'm crying now.  This precious darlin's short life ended so brutally.  What kind of monster commits such an atrocity?  In short, a family friend, the babysitter.

I'm often heard to say that I'm sugar and spice and sometimes nuthin' nice.  People don't know what I used to be capable of.  Under the influence of drugs, I'm sure I'd like to spill the blood that bitch.  Clean, all I can do is cry. 

Baby Diana breathed her last this afternoon after being removed from life support. 

I must warn anyone reading this ... if you don't know about my issues with God and would be easily offended if I said anything against him, close this page down now.

I wish I could pray.  I wish I believed in a God so that I could believe praying would do any good.  Poor tiny soul.  Did she even know what was happening to her?  If there is a God, was he merciful; did he take her little spirit out of her so that she wouldn't experience the savagery of what was happening to her?  See, I want to pray.  I do.  I hate just sitting here blogging about it.  I'm angry, I'm hurt.  Of course, this precious little angel didn't deserve this. So why?  WHY!? 

I know someone is going to tell me something about free will - blah,blah, blah.  Bull! I don't buy it.  I'm not going to apologize for any of this and my Christian friends know that I respect their faith -- and they respect my pain and anger.  They pray for me too, which I truly appreciate.  I just can't forgive Him.  I won't.  Who am I that it would matter whether or not I forgive Him or not?  A  frickin' nobody.  My hand is written on His hand, my ass.

Miracles happen all the time!  I don't' believe that God has a hand in miracles if he can't save his most precious.  Or those who are good and faithful servants, like my mother.  Yeah, yeah ... did anyone think I forgot about what happened to my mama?  I still contend, that if the power of the Lord could part the motherfrickin' Red Sea, then why can't the power of the Lord have eased my mother's pain or STOPPED that animal from not only taking Baby Diana's life but torturing her in the process.  This infuriates me. 

You know the worst agnostic there is, is one who used to believe when an event so egregious occurred that it toppled their faith.  So it must not have been faith in the first place?  Whatever.  If there is a hell, I'm bound there, I'm sure.  I'm nearly certain that if there's a heaven, God isn't going to call me to his throne, shake his finger at me and call me a willful child. Okay ... enough God bashing.

Now I'm going to bash the media -- those bastards.  They thought it was news worthy to broadcast a picture of Diana's itty-bitty little burned leg -- so tiny it was almost lost next to the hand that was pointing out the injury. 

I don't guess it matters how much I rage, or cry or write about it -- there isn't any amount of any of those things that's going to make this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach go away very soon.

Too sensitive to live among wolves?  No, I think this rage is justified.