I don't often talk about my Multiple Sclerosis progression, my daily symptoms -- the loss of some cognitive ability, difficulty swallowing, difficulty breathing, depression, neuropathic pain - especially in my legs.  I don't talk about it because for the past twenty-five or so years, I've had the perfect role model and cheerleader ... my sister-in-law. 

When I was diagnosed with MS, my knees buckled because I immediately thought of my sister-in-law and her struggles with MS.  By the time I was diagnosed, she was totally disabled but she kept on going on.  She was tenacious, she was fierce, she was stubborn ... she suffered but she had such a good attitude.

She was the first person I told I had MS.  She was the first person whom I cried to and who cried for me.  Every single day when I get up, I think of her and I vow not to surrender to MS.  I walk passed the pain -- I walk a lot, I don't baby myself.  I make myself get out of bed even when I wake fatigued.  On days when I'm barely lucid I try to exercise my brain by doing crossword puzzles or playing Scrabble or playing hidden object games to help me focus on something other than the symptom.  Sometimes I try to blog or visit blogs ... I may not get around much but I try to reach out to others as just Friday, not Friday with Multiple Sclerosis.  I try to focus on living and squeezing every bit of joy out of a day or hour that I can ... even when everything else around me is crap. 

She taught me by example.  She taught me how to make doctors LISTEN to me and how to be proactive in my own care.  She taught me how to be a fighter.  She taught me how be excited about having "just OK" days.  She's been my hero for a long time.

Tonight she was rushed to the hospital in respiratory distress. They performed a tracheotomy.  She's in intensive care, on a ventilator -- they don't expect her to make it.

My brother has been married to her since I was a young girl.  She's like my sister.  My brother ... I worship him.  Then there's the MS thing.  This is painful and scary on so many levels.

I'm preparing to go home.  This wasn't the trip home I was expecting to make.  No matter what it takes, I'll be there for them.