He was yelling at me, standing so close to me I could feel the warmth of his breath and spittle on my cheek.  "I'll cave your face in." he screamed.  I calmly and pointedly said, "Back off of me."  He came even closer and spat at me, "Go ahead, bitch, jump off!"  I didn't move and wondered what the hell 'jump off" meant.  I was thinking how ghetto, gangsta and guttural he gets when he's drunk.  I didn't respond but didn't move or break eye contact either.  He kept screaming, "C'mon! Jump off, bitch!".  "Do you want to go to jail?"  I asked trying not to sound too condescending.  "I've been to jail before, bitch, it don't mean nuthin'."

I was surprised that he finally backed off and simply went to bed.  I wasn't scared ... at least not once I heard him snoring.  I made up my bed on the sofa but couldn't sleep.  All I could think of was how stupid I am. Weeks ago I was walking out the damned door and I let him talk me into staying.  I didn't want to leave him financially unable to pay all the utilities.  He told me he was going to get it together.  I'm guessing he was hoping that he could talk me into staying permanently.  It wasn't going to happen but I think he thought he could make it all up to me.  I think alcoholics have a special talent for deluding themselves.

Well, the end of the month is nearly here and I'm ready to move on now, whether he's financially able to support himself or not.  There's not enough compassion, caring or love in the world that could make me stay now.  The bulk of my belongings are in storage.  He never did follow through with transferring all the utilities into his name so I'm going to force the issue to get the rest of that done.  He also told me last night that he wasn't going to pay me the money he borrowed from me because I received the benefit from it as well.  Then he said that it would be worth the $400 to get rid of me.  He paid me $200 and still owes me $600.  I'm probably gonig to have to take the loss and consider that it will be well worth the $600 loss to be free of this insanity.

Maybe this all had to happen.  I had to get good and fed up so I wouldn't feel bad about leaving him or worry about what's going to happen to him because as of this moment I'm not worried about what's going to happen him.  I just want a new start.