Today I went with my sister to take her precious kitty to the vet.  Unfortunately, she had heart disease and my sister had to let her go.  I felt powerless and inept but she was grateful to have me there.  I don't know why things happened the way they did but I'm glad that I was there for my sister. 

Tomorrow night I'm cooking for my sister's family.  Sunday, my nephew has invited more family specifically since I'm here.  It's good to be home and good to feel loved.  It's been a very long time since I've been anywhere (physically) that I've felt truly wanted and loved unconditionally, no matter how annoying I am.

I miss y'all!  Hopefully I'll find some free time to come visit soon.

Many hugs and kisses, y'all!

Baby K is five now.  Earlier this week I sent her a little gift to let her know that I love her and haven't forgotten her.  It's a plush toy -- a little blue whale with a sailor's hat.  She calls him "Cap" and sleeps with him every night.  She was told that her Lovebug .. that would be me ... was going away for five weeks.  She cried and begged to see me before I left because she was never going to see her Lovebug again.  She didn't want me going anywhere and she CERTAINLY didn't want me getting on a plane.  I don't know why -- she was adamant about it.

When they called me about her dismay I made it a point to go see her today.  With me I took a Kim Anderson wall calendar.  I circled the 19th of April, the day I would be leaving and circled the 24th of May with a heart.  When she saw me she jumped into my arms.  I've always picked her up above my head, twirled her around, brought her down.  As she hugged my waist with her legs, I lean her over backwards and kiss, kiss, kiss her neck.  She's too big to do that any more.  I nearly pulled my back out.  However, when I was holding her and talking to her PawPaw, she hugged me tighter with her legs, put her little arms around my neck and put her sweet little head on my shoulder.  Nothing has ever felt so good.  She's such the sweet little lovebug.

Baby K and I sat together on a swing.  I explained to her about going away and promised to come back.  I gave her the calendar and showed her how she could mark off the days until I come back.  That seemed to calm her down some.

When I was leaving she kissed my face and hugged my neck real tight.  That kind of a hug is worth all the gold in the world and then some.  I kissed her, told her I loved her and headed for the truck.  I was half way to my truck when I hear her calling me.  "Lovebug, take this with you to California!"  She pressed a little red Now and Later candy in my hand.  I've decided to take pictures of the piece of candy at different locations during my trip and email them to her.  She'll get a kick out of it and she'll feel more comfortable about her Lovebug being away.

Precious, precious child.

Stress, stress, stress ...

Why didn't I think of that sooner?  108 lbs was my original target weight but in my heart I've wanted to get down to 105 lbs.  That gives me 3 lbs to "play with".  I stepped on the scale today and surprise, surprise - I'm 107 lbs!  I've lost two pounds in a week.  I've also been going and going and going like the Energizer Bunny for a week so it makes sense.  It also explains the fact that I'm exhausted -- I'm sure part of that weight loss is that I'm just not eating well. 

Yesterday's intake:

breakfast = 1 slice raisin toast, 1 cup of Chai Latte
lunch = Lean Cuisine Glazed Chicken
snack = one stick string cheese
supper = six french fries -- big fat cottage fries plus a few dabs of ketchup
snack = two Ritz Crackers

That's not too-too bad.  I've been known to survive on six M&Ms for breakfast and nothing else but Gatorade.  Of course, I'm still taking all my vitamins and supplements so I haven't been totally devoid of nutrients.

To think ... yesterday I passed on fudge, potato chips, french bread dipped in a italian sauce, a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup and fried chicken because I was worried about my weight.  *sigh*  I bet I pick it up in California.  I plan on being equally active and sedentary.  A little balance please.

My butt is gone pecan.  Where did it go?  Oh well, now Mr. Man can start telling me to get my "narrow ass" in gear again.  You know, if anything was going to disappear, why couldn't it have been this pesky little abdominal bulge that is so fond of me it hasn't left since I was twenty-two? But noooooooo.  Still, I'm 107 lbs!  *happy dance*

*EDIT*

SO! While trying on some jeans that were previously just a leeeeetle too snug, I found $30 in the back pocket!  Woo Hoo!

Said very quickly to the counter girl at the dry cleaners ...

"How much to pair a hem of jeans?"

She looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.  Either there are too many things bouncing around in my head or I'm speaking Multiple Sclerosian again.

BREATHE ... slowly ... in through the nose, out through the mouth.  Repeat until your heart is no longer beating like the wings of a hummingbird.

Okay, maybe not so fine but wild and sassy, definitely.

When I woke up this morning I felt ... let's say ... mischievious.  Before I knew it, I was at the hair dresser, getting my hair colored -- my original color but with red highlights.  Does it look good?  I dunno ... but I LOVE IT!  It's not like fire engine red ... just redheaded red and not all that noticeable.  Well, in the sun it is more noticeable.  Maybe I should, but I don't care what anyone thinks!  I LOVE IT! 

I've always wanted to be a get the hell out of my way, don't even start with me, you will NOT win, yeah, I'm fine redhead -- now I'm at least streaked that way.  =^D

I couldn't get a real good picture of it but here it is.

I'm not really late but as busy as I am, I feel like the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland -- running here, running there.  There's just so much to do.  I swear I have more white hairs (no pun intended but it words) today than when the plan for this trip started.

Please excuse my absence ... I know y'all understand.  My coginitive skills when it comes to this kind of thing really are lacking since my last MS relapse.  It's frustrating.  Even lists don't help because I lose the list or leave it home.  So, it's probably easy to see why I'm driving myself insane.

Have a great day, y'all. <3

Sunday fun with free association ... "I say ..., you think ..."

"Rules are, there are no rules." There are no right or wrong answers. Don't limit yourself to one word responses; just say any and every crazy thing that pops into your head.

1. Silence :: is golden -- so shut the hell up
2. Wall :: Humpty Dumpty sat on a ....
3. Killed :: He left the cap off the toothpaste, left his drawers on the floor, he left this here and that there but I couldn't get him to just leave ... and that's when I killed him, Your Honor.
4. Wishful :: thinking ... as in, "Balls said the Queen, if I had them I'd be king."
5. Poodle :: clowns make them out of ballons
6. Sullen :: me, every time I have to put the cap back on the toothpaste or pick up his dirty drawers off the floor.
7. Do not disturb :: Enter at your own risk, You don't have to go home, you just can't stay here, Silence! (see #1), Trespassers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, I'm PMS'ing and I have a gun -- any questions?
8. Philadephia :: Freedom, Liberty Bell, where my jerk ex-boyfriend who left me for my jerk ex-best friend lives.
9. Anticipation :: great song used for a stupid commercial - Heinz Ketchup
10. Sidewalk :: where his carcass is going to end up if he doesn't start putting the cap on the toothpaste and picking up his dirty drawers.

As always, you can mutter there or you can mutter right here in my comments.  Muttering can set you free ... on in my case this week, get you jailed.  *snicker*  Have fun, y'all!

Every time I log in to my admin page I see it screaming at me.  "DRAFT"  I promised myself I wasn't going to hide any longer.  I saved this as a draft because I was embarrassed.  Not by the sentiment but by my hokey writing style.  Regardless, it's from the heart, inspired by and written for a friend.  Why I'm so reluctant to display my affection in this form, I'll never know.  It's a certain level of shyness which I'm sure most people don't believe I have a speck of.  I'm trying to get over it ... so here goes.

Deeds, this one's for you, babe --

When you dance, you inspire me to dance.

When life is harsh and the cacophony of the world is so loud that I can't hear the dulcet tones of my own music, I often dance to the rhythm of yours, for your song is sweet and infectious.

I watch and mirror the flow of your dance, until I can dance on my own.  When I misstep, you pretend not to see.  You take my hands, help me up and help me to find my rhythm again.

I'm always telling you how profound and lovely your words are.  But have I told you how lovely you are and how profound your heart is?  I only know one way to say it ...

I love you, friend.

For teaching me to dance on days when I can't even find the desire to crawl, I thank you.

One of the first lessons my mother taught me ... "Never invite trouble into your life." 

Day before yesterday, I heard from a friend I haven't heard from in quite a while ... it's been at least six months or so.  I talked with said friend on the phone for a while in a "Let's do coffee" sort of way.  Today I received a text from my long lost friend ...

TXT:  coffee

MY TXT:  where?

TXT:  starbucks manhattan

MY TXT:  i'm there

I thought that I had missed my friend very much and even fretted a little about not hearing from them.  We "did" coffee.  No big deal.  They shared with me what was going on in their life.  Drama, drama, drama.  It made me realize that there was plenty stress that came with the friendship.  We parted ... no future plans.  "It was nice.  See ya."

I sometimes forget that people often have a hidden agenda ... or a not so hidden agenda.  I received another text this evening from said friend.

TXT:  pain pills

I didn't respond.  Responding would have been inviting trouble into my life.  I've had enough trouble to last me a lifetime.  I guess I'll find out if my friend will punish me for not giving up my pain killers.  People have a tendency to kick you to the curb when you've out-lived your usefulness.  God knows it wouldn't be the first time.  How very sad.

It's close enough now to my departure date to go home (to California) that I can start planning, packing, etc. 

I'm not great at preparing for trips. This is evidenced by the fact that when I evacuated for Hurricane Katrina I took a couple pair of panties and perfume.  Great packing right?  Yeah, for a hooker!  Well ... never mind.  Anyway, truly, I thought we were only going to be gone for three days.  I didn't know I was packing for months.  This time I don't have the pressure of a category 5 hurricane on my heels and I know I"m going to be gone for a month.

I don't know if it's the MS or nervousness, but I can't seem to pull myself together and think straight so I'm going to start a little list here and see how this goes.

First on the itinerary:

4/11 
Storage to get suitcase
dry cleaners

4/12
Haircut (just a trim) 11:15AM

I think I might be a slow starter on this ... my mind just went blank.  I'm going to keep updating this post as I go.  Gotta run.

If I don't get by your place to say Happy Friday, I'm saying it now, have a great Friday, y'all!

XOXOXO

p.s. -- those butterflies in my stomach just morphed into eagles.

*EDIT*

Okay, it's 5:07.  Did I go to storage to get my suitcase?  No.  Did I go to the dry cleaners?  No.  Did I get anything done?  Actually yes, I sent off my tax forms to for my "STIMULUS PAYMENT".  It was much easier than I thought it was going to be.  I also bought three pairs of shoes.  Since Katrina, I largely have flip-flops and tennis shoes.  Today I bought two beautiful pair of casual shoes - one pair black, one pair brown, and a pair of slip-on tennis shoes, my favorites!

Then I stopped at B&N and bought two DVDs that were on sale -- "The Lake House" and a Jane Austen set with Sense and Sensibility and Persuasion.

I was going to go to storage after B&N but I was just too wiped out.  Maybe tomorrow after my hair cut.  Wait, let me rephrase that ... my hair TRIM.  I think anything I need to buy can wait until Sunday.  There'll be less traffic and less people out and about.

Gotta nap now.  I'm so tired.  Shopping wiped me out!

Zzzz Zzzzzz